Most girls, much like ourselves, have dreamed of our wedding day for most of our lives - from the dress, to the venue, to the girls standing next to you. But when it comes to getting married, that's really the easy part. It's the years that follow that will bring challenges and sacrifices, as all marriages do. It is so important to be prepared and have deep conversations about where your lives will go, and how you will get there before the wedding day. Today we are getting a little more serious, and breaking down five important conversations to have, as engaged couples (or soon-to-be) that will help you grow together during the engagement process, and into your married lives together.
Money & Careers
The leading cause for arguments in relationships comes down to finances. We know that these conversations are never fun ones to have - they really bring you back down to reality, but have this talk now. Talk about your goals for your home life - what home you see yourselves growing into and any renovations that may come with that home, and how you can fit savings into your budget. Having a rainy-day fund is a necessity, and it is never too early to prepare.
Understand each others career goals as well. Having the support of your partner is critical. Talk about the opportunities of relocation that may come with your line of work, and what that would mean to both of you. Make sure you understand that its not only you to think about anymore, and you have to make sure you are on the same page.
Have this talk sooner, rather than later. We know this may seem like a tough one for many, but it is important. Know going into your marriage how your partner feels towards the subject. Is it on the table, or completely a no-go? Make sure you know and understand their decision going into the marriage. Also discuss alternatives - adoption, artificial insemination, surrogates or possibly fostering children. This is a BIG talk but it is so important!
This also goes for four-legged babies as well. Some couples choose to get pets before they are married, but if you are waiting to get settled, make sure you have this discussion. Pets and children come with great expenses and it is important to make sure you are financially, emotionally and mentally prepared for what your household will look like down the road.
It is crucial to set goals throughout your marriage - personally and together - to ensure you are growing in a positive way. You have to be good to yourself, and to your partner! Set these goals, make plans and create bucket lists. Looking to start your own business one day, or want to globe-trot for a few years before children? Ask your partner what their goals and aspirations are, and where they may take you as a couple. Talk about these things up front, and there will be no surprises down the road. Being prepared will certainly help in the long run!
Values & Beliefs
This conversation can be a little more thought-provoking than others, but you really need to be honest with yourself and your partner certainly needs to be honest with you on these things. Be honest about your faith - how it has affected you growing up, and how you would alternatively like to raise your children one day. Be open about what is important to you, and what it will take to support each other's beliefs.
Having similar family values will help you in so many ways, but where there may be wavering beliefs, be sure to discuss it. Not everyone is raised the same, by any means, but finding that common ground as you start your own household is crucial.
How You Will Work Together
Creating a new life as a married couple is not always easy. For some, as soon as they get married, they are moving out of their parents homes and into a house with your new spouse. No one gives you a guidebook for how to navigate these changes. It certainly takes a lot of adjustments on both ends, so you need to be able to communicate about anything AND everything.
Sit down and have an honest conversation about how the household will run - who is the better cook? Who hates doing laundry less? It's important to both feel as though you are contributing to the home, and having each other's support will mean more than you know.
We certainly understand that many couples have had these talks, and we think that is amazing! Being open and honest before you walk down the aisle, will make the life ahead of you much less stressful and the transition to married life much easier. Knowing where your partner stands on these issues will really help you grow together.